Intelligence

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER

Sneezing Officer

Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
"Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
"I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?"
A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything.
"Very vell," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!"
The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them.
"For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, I am the one who sneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "Bless you."

Doctor & patient

90-year-old man went to the doctor for his annual checkup.

Doctor : How are you feeling ?
Old Man : I am feeling better."I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to delivered a child.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story.

"I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But,one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.

He was walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM!
The lion drops dead in front of him."

Old Man : "That's impossible!. Someone else must have shot that lion."

Doctor : "Exactly... that's what I want to tell you."

Shero Shayari

Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........-.....

Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyo ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... (Wah)

Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........-.....

Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ...wah wah)

Take me drunk - I am home...

Symptom: Cold & humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the
drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.

Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.

Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.