Scientist ka dimag

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......He is
supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in
front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens
his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .

Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton.. "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not
Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared..... . since one Newton per
meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is
OUT.......!
 

Husband

Innocence at its best...

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled
the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed
the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."
 

MBA Vs Engineer

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and          
fell asleep.                                                          
                             
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up            
at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of
stars."                                                              
                                                                     
"What does that tell you?"                                        
The MBA ponders for a minute.                                  
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are                  
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.            
                                                                     
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.                    
                                                                     
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.      
                                                                     
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and              
we are small and insignificant.  Meteorologically, it seems we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow.                                              
                                                                     
What does it tell you?"                                              
                                                                     
The  Engineer  is silent for a moment, then speaks.                        
                                                                     
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Secretary Post

A "Mallu" female ( from the heart of Kerala)
Went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY.
When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,

His mind was screaming " NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her " If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance ."

The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK ."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : " I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW......BLUE's that?
WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thankyou." The Manager fainted.......

Foul Mouths

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she
hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses,
they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....
we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my
frienda how to spella 'Mississippi' ."

Fastest thing in world

Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and SANTA SINGH
from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a
prestigious job. One common Question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy : It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so
fast it comes instantly in Your mind.

MIT guy : Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to
realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH : Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER : (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked)
"WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in
my bed and I got the
Worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

Software Monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer
walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
 
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000.'' The customer paid and walked out
 with his monkey.
 
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are
only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?''
 
The shopkeeper answered, ''Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.''
 
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?''
 
''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. A
ll the really useful stuff,'' said the shopkeeper.
 
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around
 its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ''That one costs more than all the others put together!
What on earth does it do?''

The shopkeeper replied, ''Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a consultant.''

Husband & Wife

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling
to admit they might be in error.  
"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt,
"if you'll admit I'm right."  
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.  
"I'm wrong," she said.  
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"  

आयुष्य खूप सुंदर आहे

आयुष्य खूप सुंदर आहे,
सोबत कुणी नसलं तरी,
एकट्यानेच ते फुलवत रहा,
वादळात सगळं वाहून गेल,
म्हणुन रडत बसू नका,
वेगळ अस काही, माझ्यात खास नाही असं म्हणून उदास होऊ नका
मृगाकडे कस्तुरी आहे,
फुलात गंध आहे,
सागराकडे अथांगता आहे,
माझ्याकडे काय आहे, असं म्हणून रडू नका,
अंधाराला जाळणरा एक सूर्य तुमच्यातही लपला आहे.
आव्हाहन करा त्या सूर्याला!!!!! मग उगवेल तो तुमच्या आयुष्यात नवीन क्षितिज घेऊन.
अंधारामय रात्र संपवून सोनेरी किरणांनी सजून
मग रोजच उगवेल एक नवी सकाळ,
उत्साह ध्येयाने भारुन म्हणून म्हणते.........
आयुष्य खूप सुंदर आहे,
सोबत कुणी नसल तरी
एकट्यानेच ते फुलवत रहा..

Haircut

There was a good old barber in Mumbai. One day a florist goes tohim for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
"Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he
again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves
the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another
"Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there......

A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with printouts of Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut. :-))

Team India

"ग्रहण' आणि "गुढी'
खऱ्याखुऱ्या खग्रास सूर्यग्रहणाच्या
दोन दिवस आधीच...
"टीम इंडिया'च्या "सूर्या'ला
ग्रहण लागलं...
बांगलादेशच्या चंद्रानं झाकोळून टाकलं...
आणि देशभर अंधार पसरला...
"पोर्ट ऑफ स्पेन'च्या मैदानाचं
चक्क "कुरुक्षेत्र' झालं...
"स्वकीयां'शी लढायचं कसं, म्हणून
आधुनिक पांडवांचं अवसान गळालं...
युद्ध सुरू व्हायच्या आधीच "महाभारत' घडलं...
आणि "कृष्ण'ही थिजला...
अतिरथी, महारथी सारेच कुचकामी ठरले....
"कागदावरचे वाघ' बिरुदाला सारेच जागले...
अपेक्षाभंगाच्या दुःखानं देशवासी पोळून निघाले...
आणि "शेजार' उजळून निघाला...
"टीम इंडिया'! सॉरी! नाही, आमचंच चुकलं...
चुकीच्या पाखरावरती मन आमचं जडलं...
तोंडचा घास काढून कुणी नेताना
आमच्या डोळ्यांनी पाहिलं...
आणि मनाचा डोळा उगा भरून आला...
"सूर्यग्रहण' हे, कधी तरी सुटेल...
अमावस्येची काजळी कधी तरी मिटेल...
विजयाची गुढी कधी तरी उंचावेल...
आणि... आजच गुढीपाडवा आला..!