One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly died!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
The house at the bend
It seems like yesterday. It was a day like any other. Then the phone rang.
The next moment, the world came crashing down on her. Her only son and
daughter-in-law had succumbed to injuries in a fire at their favorite
theater. All that was left behind was their son, just two years old. Life
could be really cruel. That was ten years back.
She had left everything behind in the city and chose the confines of the
farmhouse in the country to grieve her irreparable loss. The house was old,
maybe even ancient. It belonged to her late husband. She never did
understand why no one in his family spent the holidays there. According to
her, it was perfect in every sense.
Desolate and yet quite near the main road. Many a villagers pass that way
while walking their kids to school or going to the post office. Strangely,
they quieten as they approach the house. She used to think she was
imagining it, but it was too obvious to ignore.
Not that she had any problem with it. The grief had left her with a longing
for solitude at all times. Except of course when she was around him, the
apple of her eyes, the sole reason of her existence - her grandson. He was
growing up fast. The teachers at school were happy with his progress but he
seemed to have a problem getting along with the other kids.
When asked about it, he would just say that they were mean to him and
teased him. He would say no more. Only when he came home in bruises too
frequently did she decide to interfere. She went to the village and spoke
to one or two ladies. Actually, she tried speaking. The moment she
approached a house, the doors would be shut and they would tell her to go
away giving a lame excuse.
Pitying her state, the local priest asked her to come with him.
"I don't understand..They refuse to even speak to me!"
"It's the house."
"What? What has the house got to do anything with it?"
"We believe that all is not well in the house. We keep hearing strange
noises emanating from there. The villagers suspect that some ghosts live
there."
And that was the day she stopped listening to Himesh Reshammiya songs.... :):)
The next moment, the world came crashing down on her. Her only son and
daughter-in-law had succumbed to injuries in a fire at their favorite
theater. All that was left behind was their son, just two years old. Life
could be really cruel. That was ten years back.
She had left everything behind in the city and chose the confines of the
farmhouse in the country to grieve her irreparable loss. The house was old,
maybe even ancient. It belonged to her late husband. She never did
understand why no one in his family spent the holidays there. According to
her, it was perfect in every sense.
Desolate and yet quite near the main road. Many a villagers pass that way
while walking their kids to school or going to the post office. Strangely,
they quieten as they approach the house. She used to think she was
imagining it, but it was too obvious to ignore.
Not that she had any problem with it. The grief had left her with a longing
for solitude at all times. Except of course when she was around him, the
apple of her eyes, the sole reason of her existence - her grandson. He was
growing up fast. The teachers at school were happy with his progress but he
seemed to have a problem getting along with the other kids.
When asked about it, he would just say that they were mean to him and
teased him. He would say no more. Only when he came home in bruises too
frequently did she decide to interfere. She went to the village and spoke
to one or two ladies. Actually, she tried speaking. The moment she
approached a house, the doors would be shut and they would tell her to go
away giving a lame excuse.
Pitying her state, the local priest asked her to come with him.
"I don't understand..They refuse to even speak to me!"
"It's the house."
"What? What has the house got to do anything with it?"
"We believe that all is not well in the house. We keep hearing strange
noises emanating from there. The villagers suspect that some ghosts live
there."
And that was the day she stopped listening to Himesh Reshammiya songs.... :):)
The Fundas of Stock Market
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the
villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing
that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and
started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,
the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would
now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they
started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even
further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so
little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However,
since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would
now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at
all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will
sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city , you
can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!!
villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing
that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and
started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,
the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would
now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they
started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even
further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so
little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However,
since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would
now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at
all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will
sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city , you
can sell it to him for Rs50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!!
A page from every 'Guy's Dairy
Everyone in their lives would have had crushes, and me too had my share
of crushes. But, it didn't take much time for each of them to turn to
crashes. None of my crushes took off, or probably they crashed even before they
took off !! Today, when I look back, I cant manage but to have a laugh.
My first crush was on Miss R. I was in my tenth then. We happened to
speak only once. It was when I had offered her a coke. She refused to
have it and the very next moment I gulped it down. I still cant forget
the dumbstruck look on her face. A few days later, she started going
around with one of my classmates. They used to go for wonderful evening
walks, Miss R, my classmate and her doggy. Unfortunately(fortunately for
me), the affair didn't last too long. On one such romantic walk of
theirs, my classmate was bitten by the doggy. He brought up the question
: Its me or the dog......she chose the dog !!! The news gave me sadistic
pleasure.
I was in a co-ed school for my 11th-12th. I got very friendly with Miss
N in my class. It appeared to me that...yes...she is the girl. One day,
Miss N came and sat next to me...close...really close.....my heart beats
shot up. She said.. I want to tell you something....but please maintain
it as a secret. I knew...this was it...yes....she went on...you
know...X(another classmate of mine) proposed me......and I too like
him...and I accepted. I am telling you coz you are like my
brother.......WHAT THE HECK ? As if the first news wasn't bad enough,
the second sounded suicidal. I looked at her with an artificial smile
and said....Congrats S..S..Sis !!!
The next crush didn't take much time to happen. It was Miss S who walked
in to class. I literally had my jaws hanging seeing her. We became good
friends...but I never fancied my chances...given the Miss N experience.
She was my Biology project partner....while she did the project...I
concentrated on her biology ! Just as the boards got over, and as I was
mustering enough courage to tell her, her dad got transferred. She
changed the city.
Next in engineering college, there was this hottie in my class.
Boy....she was a babe...Miss G. She used to stand opposite to me in the
chemistry lab.I prayed for some chemistry to happen between us.
But I guess, she was much smarter than I was. Miss G realised that
I used to mess up all my titration experiments coz I used to be
looking at her and not the lab apparatus. I called her out ALONE
on my b'day. She turned up with her whole bunch of friends.
The girls kept giggling and I looked for a place where I could go
and bang my head. I steered clear of her for the rest of my
engineering days.
Moving on from here, it was a major success story. This time round, it
took some time for things to crash....just a little longer..a bit more
than five years. Everything seemed like a fairy tale when the crash
factor took the better of me.
By this time, I was in my job and I decided to use the term "interest"
instead of crush. So , my interest grew in Miss L in office. I thought
she was a very pretty lady. Thankfully, the growth of my interest
stopped very soon, the moment I learnt that she was supposed to go on
leave the next week for her marriage. She was to marry her long time
boyfriend. Only one thought came to my mind....The good ones are always
taken !!!
Ha ha ha.....thankfully.....I have grown out of all these......no more
CRUSHES.....so no chances of CRASHES......
I live this way now.....hey...wait.....who is this girl???? !!!!!!!!!!!!
Surely this page fits my dairy!!!!
of crushes. But, it didn't take much time for each of them to turn to
crashes. None of my crushes took off, or probably they crashed even before they
took off !! Today, when I look back, I cant manage but to have a laugh.
My first crush was on Miss R. I was in my tenth then. We happened to
speak only once. It was when I had offered her a coke. She refused to
have it and the very next moment I gulped it down. I still cant forget
the dumbstruck look on her face. A few days later, she started going
around with one of my classmates. They used to go for wonderful evening
walks, Miss R, my classmate and her doggy. Unfortunately(fortunately for
me), the affair didn't last too long. On one such romantic walk of
theirs, my classmate was bitten by the doggy. He brought up the question
: Its me or the dog......she chose the dog !!! The news gave me sadistic
pleasure.
I was in a co-ed school for my 11th-12th. I got very friendly with Miss
N in my class. It appeared to me that...yes...she is the girl. One day,
Miss N came and sat next to me...close...really close.....my heart beats
shot up. She said.. I want to tell you something....but please maintain
it as a secret. I knew...this was it...yes....she went on...you
know...X(another classmate of mine) proposed me......and I too like
him...and I accepted. I am telling you coz you are like my
brother.......WHAT THE HECK ? As if the first news wasn't bad enough,
the second sounded suicidal. I looked at her with an artificial smile
and said....Congrats S..S..Sis !!!
The next crush didn't take much time to happen. It was Miss S who walked
in to class. I literally had my jaws hanging seeing her. We became good
friends...but I never fancied my chances...given the Miss N experience.
She was my Biology project partner....while she did the project...I
concentrated on her biology ! Just as the boards got over, and as I was
mustering enough courage to tell her, her dad got transferred. She
changed the city.
Next in engineering college, there was this hottie in my class.
Boy....she was a babe...Miss G. She used to stand opposite to me in the
chemistry lab.I prayed for some chemistry to happen between us.
But I guess, she was much smarter than I was. Miss G realised that
I used to mess up all my titration experiments coz I used to be
looking at her and not the lab apparatus. I called her out ALONE
on my b'day. She turned up with her whole bunch of friends.
The girls kept giggling and I looked for a place where I could go
and bang my head. I steered clear of her for the rest of my
engineering days.
Moving on from here, it was a major success story. This time round, it
took some time for things to crash....just a little longer..a bit more
than five years. Everything seemed like a fairy tale when the crash
factor took the better of me.
By this time, I was in my job and I decided to use the term "interest"
instead of crush. So , my interest grew in Miss L in office. I thought
she was a very pretty lady. Thankfully, the growth of my interest
stopped very soon, the moment I learnt that she was supposed to go on
leave the next week for her marriage. She was to marry her long time
boyfriend. Only one thought came to my mind....The good ones are always
taken !!!
Ha ha ha.....thankfully.....I have grown out of all these......no more
CRUSHES.....so no chances of CRASHES......
I live this way now.....hey...wait.....who is this girl???? !!!!!!!!!!!!
Surely this page fits my dairy!!!!
Haunted From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
Friday, July 27, 2007
Intelligence
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of
the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Sneezing Officer
Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
"Who was that!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of
"I see," he said, "I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?"
A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I will ask again," yelled Hitler, "who sneezed?" Again, nobody said anything.
"Very vell," he said, "I will have another 10 of you shot!"
The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them.
"For the very last time," screamed Hitler, "Who sneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It was me, I am the one who sneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "Bless you."
Doctor & patient
90-year-old man went to the doctor for his annual checkup.
Doctor : How are you feeling ?
Old Man : I am feeling better."I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to delivered a child.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story.
"I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.
But,one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
He was walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM!
The lion drops dead in front of him."
Old Man : "That's impossible!. Someone else must have shot that lion."
Doctor : "Exactly... that's what I want to tell you."
Shero Shayari
Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........-.....
Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyo ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... (Wah)
Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........-.....
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ...wah wah)
Arz kiya hai.........-.....
Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyo ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... (Wah)
Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........-.....
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ...wah wah)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Take me drunk - I am home...
Symptom: Cold & humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the
drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.
Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.
Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the
drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.
Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.
Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and
the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
बघ
ज़न्माला आला आहेसथोडं जगून बघ ,जीवनात दु:ख खूप आहे ,थोडं सोसून बघ !चिमुट्भर दु:खाने कोसळू नकोस ,दु:खाचे पहाड चडून बघ !यशाची चव चाखून बघ ,अपयश येत, निरखून बघ ,डाव मांडणं सोपं असतं ,थोडं खेळून बघ !घरटं बांधणं सोपं असतं ,थोडी मेहनत करुन बघ !जगणं कठीण असतं , मरणं सोपं असतं ,दोन्हीतल्या वेदना झेलून बघ !ज़ीणं - मरणं एक कोडं असतं ,जाता - जाता एवढं सोडवून बघ
Friday, June 8, 2007
HR Policy
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time, that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. . .”
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time, that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. . .”
MUNNABHAI MBBS DICTIONARY
1) Antibody - Against everyone
2) Artery - The study of fine paintings
3) Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria
4) Bowel - Letters like a,e,i,o,u
5) Caesarian Section - A district in Rome
6) Cardiology - Advanced study of Poker playing
7) Cat Scan - Searching for lost kitty
8) Coma - Punctuation mark Yaar, Simple!
9) Cyst - A short for sister
10) Diagnosis - Person with slanted nose
11) Dilate - The late British Princess Diana
12) Enema - Not a friend
13) False Labor - Pretending to work
14) Genes - Blue denim
15) Hernia - She is close by
16) Hymen - Greeting to several males
17) Impotent - distinguished / well-known
18) Labor Pain - Hurt at work
19) Menopause - Men no wait
20) Microbes - Small dressing gowns
21) Obesity - City of Obe
22) Pacemaker - Winner of Nobel Peace Prize
23) Protein - in favor of teens
24) Pulse – Grain
25) Pus - Small cat
26) Red Blood Count – Dracula
27) Secretion – Hiding anything
28) Tablet - Small table
29) Urine - Opposite of you are out
30) Varicose - Very close
2) Artery - The study of fine paintings
3) Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria
4) Bowel - Letters like a,e,i,o,u
5) Caesarian Section - A district in Rome
6) Cardiology - Advanced study of Poker playing
7) Cat Scan - Searching for lost kitty
8) Coma - Punctuation mark Yaar, Simple!
9) Cyst - A short for sister
10) Diagnosis - Person with slanted nose
11) Dilate - The late British Princess Diana
12) Enema - Not a friend
13) False Labor - Pretending to work
14) Genes - Blue denim
15) Hernia - She is close by
16) Hymen - Greeting to several males
17) Impotent - distinguished / well-known
18) Labor Pain - Hurt at work
19) Menopause - Men no wait
20) Microbes - Small dressing gowns
21) Obesity - City of Obe
22) Pacemaker - Winner of Nobel Peace Prize
23) Protein - in favor of teens
24) Pulse – Grain
25) Pus - Small cat
26) Red Blood Count – Dracula
27) Secretion – Hiding anything
28) Tablet - Small table
29) Urine - Opposite of you are out
30) Varicose - Very close
Software Engineer's Marriage Proposal
This is a revised version of shot from Sholay.
When Jay (Amitabh) goes to Mausi with the marriage Proposal
of Veeru (Dharamendra) with Basanti (Hema).
Amitabh : Mausi, ladka Software Co. main kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram.. Kaam karta hai software co. main...??
Amitabh : Aajkal to salary bhi mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary nahi milti thi..
Amitabh : Ab apraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi.....
Mausi : Hai hai ...To kya apraisal bhi nahi hoti uska..
Amitabh : Senior se ladai karne ke baad apraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin na milti hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladta bhi hai..
Amitabh : Ab der raat tak ghar jaane ko na mille to ho jaati hai
kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya der raat tak ghar bhi nahin jataa..
Amitabh : Ab engineers ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladka engineer hai..
Mausi : Kaunse college se kiya..
Amitabh : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!
Amitabh : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center wale se shaadi kar le
par Software engineer se katai nahin karegi.....
When Jay (Amitabh) goes to Mausi with the marriage Proposal
of Veeru (Dharamendra) with Basanti (Hema).
Amitabh : Mausi, ladka Software Co. main kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram.. Kaam karta hai software co. main...??
Amitabh : Aajkal to salary bhi mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary nahi milti thi..
Amitabh : Ab apraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi.....
Mausi : Hai hai ...To kya apraisal bhi nahi hoti uska..
Amitabh : Senior se ladai karne ke baad apraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin na milti hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladta bhi hai..
Amitabh : Ab der raat tak ghar jaane ko na mille to ho jaati hai
kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya der raat tak ghar bhi nahin jataa..
Amitabh : Ab engineers ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladka engineer hai..
Mausi : Kaunse college se kiya..
Amitabh : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!
Amitabh : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center wale se shaadi kar le
par Software engineer se katai nahin karegi.....
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Dont ask grandma silly questions
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment
to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair."
an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment
to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair."
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