Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Superb...

1. Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called "Saints"

But now they are called.."IT professionals"

2. An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..Its just that, One loves too much,
and The other loves too many,

4. Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

5. Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6. What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7. Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8. Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

9. After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10. A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee... ..... Leave them to us

Take a chill pill

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it..!!

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

6. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

7. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

8. Only 01 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

9. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

10. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

MEN

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you
can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: I) no mind ii) no business

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention
of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Wal-Mart has everything!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what 's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5.And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart