Tuesday, June 19, 2007

बघ

ज़न्माला आला आहेसथोडं जगून बघ ,जीवनात दु:ख खूप आहे ,थोडं सोसून बघ !चिमुट्भर दु:खाने कोसळू नकोस ,दु:खाचे पहाड चडून बघ !यशाची चव चाखून बघ ,अपयश येत, निरखून बघ ,डाव मांडणं सोपं असतं ,थोडं खेळून बघ !घरटं बांधणं सोपं असतं ,थोडी मेहनत करुन बघ !जगणं कठीण असतं , मरणं सोपं असतं ,दोन्हीतल्या वेदना झेलून बघ !ज़ीणं - मरणं एक कोडं असतं ,जाता - जाता एवढं सोडवून बघ

Friday, June 8, 2007

HR Policy

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time, that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. . .”

MUNNABHAI MBBS DICTIONARY

1) Antibody - Against everyone
2) Artery - The study of fine paintings
3) Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria
4) Bowel - Letters like a,e,i,o,u
5) Caesarian Section - A district in Rome
6) Cardiology - Advanced study of Poker playing
7) Cat Scan - Searching for lost kitty
8) Coma - Punctuation mark Yaar, Simple!
9) Cyst - A short for sister
10) Diagnosis - Person with slanted nose
11) Dilate - The late British Princess Diana
12) Enema - Not a friend
13) False Labor - Pretending to work
14) Genes - Blue denim
15) Hernia - She is close by
16) Hymen - Greeting to several males
17) Impotent - distinguished / well-known
18) Labor Pain - Hurt at work
19) Menopause - Men no wait
20) Microbes - Small dressing gowns
21) Obesity - City of Obe
22) Pacemaker - Winner of Nobel Peace Prize
23) Protein - in favor of teens
24) Pulse – Grain
25) Pus - Small cat
26) Red Blood Count – Dracula
27) Secretion – Hiding anything
28) Tablet - Small table
29) Urine - Opposite of you are out
30) Varicose - Very close

Software Engineer's Marriage Proposal

This is a revised version of shot from Sholay.
When Jay (Amitabh) goes to Mausi with the marriage Proposal
of Veeru (Dharamendra) with Basanti (Hema).

Amitabh : Mausi, ladka Software Co. main kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram.. Kaam karta hai software co. main...??

Amitabh : Aajkal to salary bhi mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary nahi milti thi..

Amitabh : Ab apraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi.....
Mausi : Hai hai ...To kya apraisal bhi nahi hoti uska..

Amitabh : Senior se ladai karne ke baad apraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin na milti hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladta bhi hai..

Amitabh : Ab der raat tak ghar jaane ko na mille to ho jaati hai
kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya der raat tak ghar bhi nahin jataa..

Amitabh : Ab engineers ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..
Mausi : To kya ladka engineer hai..
Mausi : Kaunse college se kiya..

Amitabh : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!
Amitabh : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center wale se shaadi kar le
par Software engineer se katai nahin karegi.....

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Dont ask grandma silly questions

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment
to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair."